For every one who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.
~ Luke 14:11
For so many years I lived exalting myself. In everything I did, it seemed, I found success… and in that success- instead of giving glory to God- I saw my own achievement based on my own effort.
I see now too how I exalted myself by showing a pure disregard for the obligations of my professed faith. I knew in my heart what was required of me as a Christian, and yet I only acted in ways that (I thought) benefitted me. I was selfish. And in pursuing that selfish desire to almost by almost any means, I exalted my own self above that of God- certainly above any of His offspring.
I was a fool. For so long. I exalted myself in thought, word, and deed.
My thoughts became a captive to my own pride. I exalted my own ideas, my own thoughts, by giving them a justification in my life. No matter how crooked or selfish the thought, I found a way to rationalize it in my mind. Perhas this was the root and ultimate exaltation of self for which I am guilty.
My words too often followed my thoughts. And my deeds too often my words. I was intoxicated with my own selfish ambition, my own self agrandizement… I exalted in sin…
And because of such… I was brought down low. I was sunk in deep mire where there is no standing. I came into deep waters, where the floods overflow me. I’ve become weary with my crying… and now… my eyes fail while I wait for my God. (Paraphrasing Psalm 69).
Only now, months and months later… going on two years time… only now do I see that it took being brought to my knees for me to learn my own folly… for me to turn in heart in truth… finally… towards the Light.
God has broken my bones and now I wait for a chance that I might rejoice in His mercy…